Serving on fine china, etiquette, 1966

I bought some old etiquette books at the Glebe Garage sale – I love them. So expect more gems of advice like this:

All About Entertaining: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Fabulous Social Life by Kay Corinth and Mary Sargent, David McKay Co Inc, 1966.

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We experienced a similar reaction to setting when we once invited to lunch the housekeeper of an apartment hotel where we were living. Because of her many favors to us, this was our way of reciprocating. She was as rough and ready as they come when bossing her staff in the building, but when she sat down at the table, spread with our best china and silver, she underwent a personality metamorphosis and became a dignified, soft-spoken lady with perfect manners.

The passing of the pink tea, 1940

The Evening Sun, 26 June 1940

The Passing of the Pink Tea

By Sara Wilson

For several years hostesses have talked of the passing of the pink tea party. The sedate “at homes” of other years have not been held for more of a decade. From a woman’s angle, the passing of the pink teas is something to sigh about because no parties were easier to give. The hostess had only to trim her house with a few fresh flowers, stand up a receiving line near the front door and cover the dining room table with punch and little cakes. She could give the tea for as many as four or five people at once; one pink tea paid her social obligations for the year.

There was no problem of what to do with the guests at a pink tea. They stood throughout the afternoon, chatting with each other in select groups. They had a good time, too, for the pink tea was a panorama of fashions. Big garden hats and flowered chiffons mingled with summer straws and silk prints in a pageant of color that flowed from the front door to the dining room and back again. Conversation reached a fine point of perfection; the atmosphere was light and gray.

But the pink tea has gone out of style. There may have been several reasons. In the first place, men never liked them. A man felt out of place in the ultra-feminine atmosphere of the tea party. He was ill at ease through the ordeal of making conversation with a dozen women at once; the juggling feat of holding a fragile teacup in one hand and a party plate in the other disconcerted him.

The young people drifted away.  Theirs had always been the task of serving refreshments at the party. Young girls of high school and college age were imported for the afternoon. They used to boast among themselves about the number of teas at which they had been sked to assist during the social season.

The women who once made up the pink-tea picture changed. They no longer had time to spend a half an afternoon in dressing up for a party and the other half in appearing on the scene. Without the frilly dresses and the cartwheel hats, the pink tea lost half its charm. The charm of the conversation became clouded over with serious sentences. A pink tea was never the place to discuss death or taxes, or, for that matter, anything more somber than the possible fate of skirt lengths next fall.

Gone is the pageant and the panorama and in its place has come a new type of afternoon party that is suited to the times. Men are made comfortable by the substitution of pottery mugs for teacups. The younger set is no longer part of the picture, because the hostess needs no help with the refreshments. Fewer guests are invited. Everything is more informal; the pink tea has turned into a picnic.

Fashion Don’ts – Glengarry, ON, 1893

The Glengarrian, 11 August 1893

Dressing-room “Don’t’s”

Don’t – unless your arms are white and rounded – wear only a little puff on the shoulders in your party dresses. Have your sleeves made in one or two big drooping puffs, to reach almost to the elbow, where they will meet the long gloves of the same shade. You will look quite as stylish and dressy.

Don’t – if you have a pale complexion – wear a light gray or tan hat, because it will give you the effect of being sallow. If you must have it a light shade to match your dress, line the inside with dark velvet, which will make your skin look fair. Apropos hats, the rule holds [illegible] that an untrimmed brim is trying to all save the most youthful faces, whereas a pleating or ever a fold of velvet, imparts a look of fitness.

Don’t – if you are very thin or very stout, or if you even suspect yourself of a tendency either way – be beguiled by your dressmaker into having an Empire gown. It is a style which suits one woman out of ten, and the other nine are simply foils to set off her charms.

Don’t – if your feet are short and broad – squeeze them with agony into the shortest shoes you can put on. If you wear a 3B, get a 3 ½ A and see how much slenderer and better shape your feet will look.

Don’t – if you are blonde, brunette or medium – be afraid of wearing yellow. There is surely one shade of that colour which will suit you and bring out all the pink in your skin; if you are sallow, it would make you look white.

Don’t – cover your face with one of the purple veils. Very few colored veils are to be trusted as being becoming, while black and white are always in good style.

Don’t – copy everything that you see is the fashion. Suit your own figure and face, and among all the varied designs you will find something that will give you an individuality of your own. Remember that the lovely ladies in fashion plates are all Venuses which few of us are.

Modern etiquette, 1960

North Bay Nugget, 16 Feb 1960

Modern Etiquette

Q. My husband and I were guests at dinner in some friend’s home recently and in order to help my hostess, I stacked my used dishes as I finished eating out of them. My husband says this was incorrect. What is the answer?

A. Your husband is right. Always leave your dishes as they are when you finish eating.

Q. is there a rule of etiquette governing the length a marriage engagement should be?

A. No. However, long engagements are not so common today. The usually accepted length of an engagement now is about six months.

Q. Please suggest a note I might write to a friend who was kind enough to write to me in my recent bereavement?

A. “Dear Betty: your sweet letter gave me great comfort. Thank you so much for writing. I shall call you as soon as I feel able. Lovingly, Susan.”

Q. Should the dinner napkin be held above the edge of the table when unfolding it? A. No; the napkin is unfolded in the lap.

modern etiquette, Buffalo, 1930

Buffalo Evening News, 21 Jul 1930

Modern Etiquette

Q. When at a dinner should one ever comment on the food?

A. No, unless it is a few words of praise, and then it should be very brief.

Q. When one has received an apology, what should he do?

A. Merely respond with a polite acknowledgement, showing that the acceptance is genuine.

Q. May a man wear sports clothes at any other time than for sports?

A. In the country he may wear them to very informal affairs, but in the city, never.

How to give a bridal flower, 1911

Chicago Tribune, 25 December 1911

Marion Harland’s Helping Hand

Our Monday Miscellany

By Marion Harland

Give a bridal shower

My nephew is to be married soon to a girl who lives in another town some distance away. They are to spend their honeymoon with his relatives in his home town. He has done many kindnesses for me and I should like to show the young couple some attention while they are in our town. I think of giving them a party and asking each one to bring some gift for the bride. As it would have to take place after the wedding would I term it ‘a shower’ or ‘wedding reception? Of course, it would be the latter were it not for the gifts. I want to have the supper good but inexpensive, something on this order: bread and butter sandwiches, cheese and pickles, ice cream and cake. Could I have a pink tea or something on that order? I have some pretty pink writing paper. How should I word my invitations, and how make the presents? I do not often go to such affairs and so I am quite ignorant.

Villager

Call the affair a “bridal shower”. That is less formal than “reception”. Let the invitations be likewise informal.

As to the supper, cannot you have something rather more substantial than sandwiches on a winter night? Oysters are not expensive at this season. Have stewed oysters, sandwiches, thin bread and butter, coffee, ice cream (home made) and cake. Leave out the cheese and pickles.

If you would have a pink supper decorate the chandelier and table with pink tissue paper, arranged in wreaths and knots. A pretty design is to cover the glass globes of lamps and chandeliers with pink paper, scalloped or pinked at the edges. From the central globe narrow paper ribbons lead to the plates of the guess, giving a canopy effect to the table. Pinked or fringed mats of the pink paper are under the dishes.

Write the invitations in the first person and word them as you would private notes, saying that you are getting up a bridal shower for your nephew as a welcome to the bride he is bringing home – a social, unceremonious gathering of her husband’s neighbors and friends. Don’t ask the recipient of the note to bring anything; “shower” implies that.

Proper Dress for all Occasions, Montreal, 1907

Montreal Standard, 6 April 1907

Proper Dress for all occasions

(Written for Standard readers of both sexes)

What shall I wear? Is often one of the most perplexing questions we can ask ourselves. Nothing gives one sensations more unpleasant than to find oneself inappropriately dressed for any occasion. Men suffer on this score, even as women, and are frequently as much in need of help. To be well dressed does not necessarily mean that one must be “gotten up regardless” in the extreme of fashion, and with the utmost limit of expense. Style consists of knowing how to wear your clothes as much as in knowing what to wear. But no matter how stylish in appearance a person may be, if he or she is wearing the wrong things at the wrong time, the effect will go for nothing. The following hints may, therefore, be of service for both ladies and gentlemen.

Morning dress should be as simple as possible. Nothing is in worse taste than to appear in the mornings, downtown shopping, or at business, in over elaborate costumes. They may be silklined through and through, of the finest materials than money can buy, but they must be simple. For business, wear a plain shirt waist, preferably white, of not too sheer material, so that it may be easily and frequently laundered. A dark skirt, with jacket to match, a simple hat and belt harmonizing with the rest of the costume, a linen stock, or collar and tie, and dark gloves. No jewellery except perhaps a simple pin.

For men the same golden rule holds good – a plain, dark business suit, Derby hat, and heavy dark gloves. Never wear a high hat in the morning, unless for some special occasion, nor a frock coat, which properly should be reserved for more formal afternoon wear.

Afternoon dress, speaking generally, can be simple or elaborate.

Don’t rise when introduced to a man, 1938

The Brantford Expositor, 16 November 1938

Etiquette says don’t rise when man introduced

Poor Mabel! So eager to make a good impression! Instead, her ignorance of the etiquette of introduction surprises this young man – to say the least!

A woman never rises when a man is introduced unless he’s an especially distinguished person, or presented by a much older woman. She always rises when introduced to a much older woman. If she’s hostess she rises for all introductions. A man always rises unless at the theatre or any place where rising would be awkward.

The general rule for introductions is to present a man to a woman, the younger person to the older.

And what to say at introductions? Our 32 page booklet gives these and other important details of etiquette. It’s a guide to popularity through good manners at parties, dinners, dances and other public places.

Send 15c in coins for your copy of ETIQUETTE FOR YOUNG MODERNS to the Expositor. Be sure to write plainly your name, address and the name of the booklet.

How the young man makes himself presentable, 1888

The Daily British Whig, 10 April 1888

How the American Young Man Makes Himself Presentable and Agreeable

“If a young man has some accomplishment , if he can sing a good song, has a pleasant faculty for private theatricals, a neat trick at elocution and especially, if he be a good dancer, he is much helped along in society,” affirms Mrs Sherwood. However, the same authority adds that if he be intelligent and well mannered, he gets on without any of these helps, but they are undoubtedly an assistance. Above all he must never be fatigued, disgusted, bored or anguished in the society of ladies.

According to the etiquette of the east, as stated as Mrs. Sherwood, a young man should seek first to know the mothers of the young ladies whom he admires and wishes to visit. He should on a first visit send in his card. After his first visit he can dispense with that ceremony. In an evening visit he should always be in full evening dress – black dress coat, vest and trousers, faultless linen, and a white cravat. A black cravat is permissible, except at dinner. He may carry his hat and gloves in his hand. As giving him something to hold, a cane also is a great help to a shy man. His feet should be in low shoes and silk stockings if he wishes to be very nice. This is not indispensable except for dancing, but it is very becoming. A white cravat is indispensable for dinner or ball. No jewelry of any kind excepting shirt studs and rings. The hand should be especially cared for, no matter how big and red and masculine it is, if it is clean; the nails beautifully cut and trimmed. Like Lord Byron’s, if possible, “a rose leaf, with half a moon in it, “such should be his nails. If he is asked to form a theatre party, he must be punctual, in full dress, taking any place his hostess may offer him. He must not ask to be allowed to send a carriage, or to pay for his ticket; his hostess does all that. In this eastern and western etiquette are at variance.