Vol 6 no 22, Dec 15th 1967
How to Cook a Husband
From “the Arrowhead Tribune” RCAF 1 Wing Lahr
A good many husbands are entirely spoiled by mismanagement in cooking, and so are not tender and good. Some women keep them constantly in hot water; others freeze them; others put them in a stew; others roast them; and still others always keep them in a pickle. It cannot be supposed that any husband will be good and tender if managed in this fashion, but they are really delicious when properly treated.
In selecting your husband, you should not be guided by silvery appearance, as in buying a mackerel; nor by the golden tint as if you wanted salmon. Be sure and select him yourself, as tastes differ. Do not go to the market for him, as those selected at the door are always best. It is far better to have none, than not to learn how to look after them properly. It does not make so much difference what you cook him. See that the linen in which he is wrapped is white and nicely mended, with the required number of strings and buttons. Don’t keep him in the kettle by force, as he will stay there himself if proper care is taken. If he splutters or fizzes do not be anxious as some husband do this. Add a little sugar in the form of what the confectioners call “kisses”, but no vinegar or pepper on any account. A little spice improves them, but it be used with judgement. Do not try him with anything sharp to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently the while, lest he stay too long in the kettle and becomes flat and tasteless. If thus treated, you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you, and he will keep as long as you want.